Unsaved eyes

Experience is not what happens to you . It is what you do with what happens to you. How do you handle the high highs and the low lows?
it’s obvious through my blogs that I go straight to prayer during all my seasons but it wasn’t always like that for me. Most of my life has been spent not turning to God first. I wanted the control. If you read my testimony you get an idea of who I was before God but it’s been awhile since I just blogged a look at life through unsaved eyes, so I am going to do that with this blog.
A look through unsaved eyes

The valley is deep. My troubles consume me. Everyday blacker than the previous day. I have no hope. Depression consumes me. I make myself get out of bed but once the kids are off to school back to bed I go. What’s the point? Anxiety rittles my soul. I toss and turn. I wish I could stop the voices in my head……your not good enough, your unlovable, your a waste of space. All these thoughts consume me. I cry. I feel my soul crying out for help but no help I find. Again the voices consume me. There is no God, no hope, only bitterness towards life. When I close my eyes only black remains. No light. What can I do to pull myself out of this hole? I need to call a friend…..NO! The voices tell me there is no true friend to call. Nobody cares about my anguish, nobody can understand my depression. The voices laugh at me.
This was my reality for most of my life. I didn’t realize that my thoughts were being controlled by Satan. He had a stronghold on me. He determined how low in the valley I would stay. He controlled how much I would isolate myself. He controlled if I laughed or if I cried. It was all consuming.
I know to many lost souls that this is there reality everyday. It breaks my heart because I fully understand the hopelessness. I have walked a few miles in there shoes. My lows were extreme and they could last months sometimes years. It really wasn’t until I was saved that I got to experience true joy, true love, true peace. I thought through my unsaved eyes I had experienced joy and joy didn’t feel joyful at all. On the rare days I could laugh it only lasted in brief spurts. I had so much anger and hatred inside. I was bitter, argumentative, consumed with jealousy of all the “happy” people I would come in contact with. This is the stronghold satan had on me. And if you can relate to my low lows it’s a stronghold satan could have on you also.
See it is my mission to use my experience to help someone else. I want to use all the past junk to be able to relate to other non believers and help them find God. If I don’t use the bad to help the good than it was all for nothing. Experience is not what happens to you. It is what you do with what happens to you. I strive everyday to not get caught in the devils lies. Just because I am saved doesn’t mean he has forgotten about me. I still suffer from low lows. The devil tries time and time again to hold me down. But those are the times I lean into Gods arms the most. I pray even when I can’t feel the Holy Spirit. I pray even when I have no words, I just say Jesus search my heart. I pray constantly. It’s what I have to do to dodge the enemies arrows. The scripture about putting on the armor of God is no joke. Ephesians 6:10-18 is the scripture to look up and understand. If your not covered in the armor of God then you will get hit by the arrows of satan. He will try and bring you down every time. I will say again because it is so important……Experience is not what happens to you. It is what you do with what happens to you. Remember we can start anytime talking to God and stop listening to the devils lies. 1John 1:9 says if we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.
So you can start today, you can start right now. Tell satan to go to hell and put on your armor of God. Use your experiences to help others. Don’t give up and don’t give in.
I will continue to pray for you and leave you with this…..Psalm 103:10-14 He does not deal with us according to our sins, nor repay us according to our iniquities. For as high as the heaven’s are above the earth so great is his steadfast love toward those who fear him; as far as the east is from the west, so far does he remove our transgressions from us. As a father shows compassion to his children, so the Lord shows compassion to those who fear him. For he knows our frame; he remembers that we are dust. 2Timothy 3:16 all scripture is breathed out by God and profitably for teaching, for reproof, for correction and for training in righteousness.