Discussions
I have been on this mission to really dig into the Bible and understand, in my heart, how to be a better friend. Over the last few years I think I have let some people down and when I have been let down I don’t always handle it well. I know there is ton’s of scripture out there on how to treat people and how to be treated by people but I was on a search to find that “one” that I could hold close to my heart. After much searching this is the one I am leaning on…..
James 1:19-20 Don’t ever forget that it is best to listen much, speak little, and not become angry; for anger doesn’t make us good, as God demands that we must be. James 1:26 Anyone who says he is a Christian but doesn't control his sharp tongue is just fooling himself and his religion isn’t worth much.
Some pretty hefty scripture there. After I look back on some of the things I have done and said to people I call friend I feel ashamed when I read those two scriptures. I am really trying hard to get better at saying “I am sorry”. Why is that so hard to say when you have messed up? I don’t know about you but for me those three little words just sometimes will not come out of my mouth no matter how bad I want to say them. I think, for me at least, when I say I am sorry to someone I feel a little defeated. Like everything I had felt in the middle of an argument holds no value now. I guess what I usually want to say instead of just “I am sorry” is “I am sorry for x, y, z” not “I am sorry for everything”. Do you kinda get what I am saying? Because most of the time not EVERYTHING that comes out of my mouth during an argument is wrong but usually my delivery is what is wrong. I don’t want to intentionally hurt anyone especially a friend I love but sometimes things need to be said, I just really have a hard time saying things in a loving way. Mine usually gets someone’s defenses up immediately and it’s go time. That’s never my intention in the beginning but once someone else starts in then I start in more and round and round we go. I can hear the little bell go off in my head sometimes, “ and round 3 is about to begin hold onto your seats everyone it’s about to get good”…….see how unperfect I am.
Some written rules I have tried to go through when I know things could get emotional quickly in a discussion with someone else is.
Pay Attention
Manage distractions
Ask questions
Let the other person finish
I need to pay attention to how the other persons tone gets when I start out “we need to talk”. Second I can’t be on the phone or even across the table with someone after saying those words and have other distractions like kids or spouses or dogs barking, ya know, make sure everything else around is calming. I have to ask questions in my delivery like I can say how I feel and immediately ask the other person “how they feel” and then I need to sit, with my mouth shut, and actually listen to them answer the question I asked. The whole question. Not interrupt them half way in so I can make another point. I have a bad, bad habit of doing that last one.
We all have people in our life that at one point or another a conversation has to be had. We can only control our part of the conversation. We can only control what comes out of our mouths and we can only control our own emotions. Everyone has a right to there own emotions. So for me I am going to keep my scripture close to my heart and I invite you, before you have a deep discussion with a family member or friend, to Pray, pray long and hard about what your going to say and how you are going to react. Go on a search for scripture that can help you get through it and if the conversation doesn’t end well continue to pray and see if the words “I am sorry” need to be said. If they don’t be sure and keep praying for the other person involved also so there heart may change and a calmer conversation can be had again. I have always found that when I pray God does one of two things….he either changes my heart on the situation or he changes the situation all together that may mean he changes the other person’s heart.
Good luck to you all and all your future “discussions”.