The presence of God

It’s crazy how the presence of God can completely change your mood and attitude in an instant. One worship song, one whispered prayer, one scripture verse can take you from the absolute worst mindset to a place of such peace and joy. There’s nothing like the presence of God.

My relationship with God is the reason why I fight everyday to not let my anxiety win. I have learned that if you are healing and breaking all at once, do not fear, this is growth. John 3:30 reminds me that he must become greater and greater, and I must become less and less. I have to throw my hands in the air and say “here I am God - you can have it all.” What exactly is my “all”? It’s sleepless nights worrying about non essential things. It’s being paralyzed with fear in doing simple tasks like going grocery shopping. I get very comfortable in my little bubble and I start to shake to do anything that is out of my comfort zone. It’s very draining some days. I have definitely had my I just want to give up moments. It’s all part of my anxiety but I fight, I refuse to let my diagnosis define me. There is so much more to me than mental illness but I have to be willing to put in the work on myself. What does that entail for me? Well I go to therapy and I take my prescribed medication. I have been loyal with these things for the last 6 years. My relationship with God has grown stronger and stronger as I have grown strong. There is a purpose behind the pain. Do I have really bad days? Of course I do. I have to take break’s and just breathe some days, and that’s okay. I believe that before a break through there’s usually a break down. Be gentle with yourself and don’t give up. Bask in the presence of God.