Messy Healing

Healing is messy. There will be good and bad days. Many days reminiscing on what you could’ve done to change the outcome and other days when you’re happily living your best life. There will be moments where you feel you’re completely over the heartbreak and random moments Where it’ll hit you all over again. Through it all, remember that you’re human. It’s normal to feel, to break down, to smile…..to take all the time you need to move on.
God is saying to you, I see you trying. Will you trust me? Will you trust me enough to get up when you feel like you can’t get up, to praise me when you don’t feel like you want to praise me? Do you trust me enough? I know you’ve been trying, but do you trust me?
so this is where I sit right now…..in the mess of it all. I am in a healing season of life. Grief is weird. I thought I understood grief but I was wrong, so very wrong. I lost a very toxic person in my life and I thought I had prepared myself, if the day ever came, when I would lose this person. I did not expect the level of grief to hit me as it has done. What exactly was I grieving? Turns out you grieve what can never be. You grieve missed opportunities and you grieve the love lost, the love you so badly craved but never received and now that person is gone. Just like that. In one moment everything changes. There is nothing and I mean nothing that can prepare you for that type of grief.
I have had to lean on God like I have never had to lean on him before. I have had more questions than answers. Psalm 32:8 The Lord says, I will guide you along the best pathway for your life. I will advise you and watch over you. This scripture speaks so much truth. I have found myself praying for God to just search my heart because I just don’t know what my prayers should be. Even through tragedy I still have thankfulness. God has blessed my life and that doesn’t make me exempt from pain. We live in a broken world where bad things happen. But it’s how we respond to those bad things that makes all the difference. I am human and I am always searching to understand. We don’t always get all the why questions answered and that has to be okay. We have to trust God knows what he is doing and he will work ALL things for our good.
In the messiness of healing I will praise God. I feel God speaking to me now….I had to take you from where you thought you needed to be to a place you didn’t want to see, so that you’d grow into the person I called you to be.